thenoisician

Let me love and not be respected
Let me serve and not be rewarded
Let me labour and not be remembered
Let me suffer and not be regarded
Tis the pouring, not the drinking
Tis the breaking not the keeping
A life suffering to seek others blessing
A life loving and true comfort giving

Not expecting pity and concern,
Not accepting solace and applause
Even lonely, even forgotten
Even wordless, even forsaken.

Tears and blood
My price for the righteous crown shall be
Losing all, my cost, for a faithful pilgrims life
Twas the life O lord that you chose to live
In those days when on earth you walked
Gladly suffering all injuries and loss
So that all might draw near and repose.

I cannot see how much further I shall go
Still I press on, knowing there is no return
Let me follow your pattern so perfect and true
Bearing ingratitude without complaint
In this time of trial, O my Lord I pray
That you'd wipe every hidden tear away
Let me learn O lord you are my reward
Let me be others blessing all my days.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Continually I have tried my God: I have asked first for general directions, to be pointed in a rough way. I started my journey and then begun asking for the specific location, to receive a compass and a map. I followed the given instruments to the site indicated through much toils, but eventually given grace to make it. I asked God for a wet fleece and a dry ground to reveal his will, and he was kind to provide the sign. Thinking that I might have been deceived, I then asked for a dry fleece on a wet ground and God answered once more.

Faith in following God requires us to make leaps at times (after much prayer), to the next step that God seems to be calling from even though we're not absolutely certain.

I feel that God's been guiding me quite comprehensively, so much so that its perfectly fair to say that its in his will. And u know, I actually do have peace in making that assertion.

Many people have faith misplaced, believing firmly on something which their minds have deceived them into accepting as God's will. But one who walks with God, who truly earnestly seek God with all his heart, God will in no wise hide himself. I believe God's shown me, not because my heart tells me, but because I've based my checklist as close to the bible as possible.

LORD, teach me, show me what faith is like, whether I've mistaken or if I've truly seen what your will has revealed. As of now, until I'm proven wrong otherwise, praise the Lord, the wardrobe is mine!

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

I hate my weakness. I despise myself for being mentally so weak. The very thoughts I try to shut out keep coming back to me no matter how much I seem to try to kill it off.

As a result of the struggle, I'm usually left emotionally weak and vulnerable, having my weaknesses completely exposed.

I despise my selfishness.
I hate my possessive inclination.
I abhor my jealous nature.

Where's the maturity? Where's the openmindedness? Where's the faith? Where the focus even? What am I focusing on? Horrible mismanagement and misemphasise, clouded intentions and hidden agendas.

God, help me, remove this weakness. Either allow me to manage service with it, or remove it altogether. I'd rather enter heaven lone and single with a life of victory, than a woman of dreams but coming before God empty handed. Amen.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Back in YF camp I heard the story told by Rev Gordon Ferguson abt how the "wardrobe is mine", says the man with faith. The story goes to reflect just how full of faith this man is, that even against all possibilities he had peace and did his human responsibility towards gaining the wardrobe.

At that stage in life, I have been praying and considering certain things, and somehow when that story was being told, I felt God's answering to all my prayers! I won't call it a direct message or utterance from God, but I just somehow had a conviction (and until today I'm still working on the basis to which I made such a conviction) that God has answered me with a clear definite "yes, just hang on and wait for a while".

Yet I can't say for sure, because our hearts are deceitfully wicked, who can know it? Perhaps my sneaky heart is so good at bluffing, even I'm confused abt that being a fake message from God, u never know. And so I don't judge simply based on that one occasion, though I must say the impact it had on me was.... Tremendous.

Moving on, I have been praying, day after day, week after week, month after month; and with each passing moment, somehow God's been seemingly answering my prayer the way he first "promised" that the wardrobe would be mine! Human efforts tried after prayer were blessed with success and progress towards that goal. Each new month God blessed with more opportunities to talk to her and answered me slowly through my list of "must haves" for a wife. Through my whole session, while I must admit that along with success followed several big blows which were really discouraging, ultimately I understood what it really meant to be led by God's hand. I prayed, I.tried and God answered, sometimes yes and sometimes no. Yet everytime obvious that his hand was at work.

None boasting but all shared for God's glory and hopefully to encourage others; I pray that everyone would learn to follow God's leading slowly! I dare say that God has been sooooo good to me and so patient to me even as I followed on. And to be honest, I've never sought to follow after God's leading soooo much as what I've been doing for the past half a year or so concerning her. God's really been using her to help me learn what following after him is.

And to me, I'm overjoyed that he used me for this. Why? Because what's more important than finding a soulmate? No not uni course nor scholarship nor anything can ever match up with the investment of finding and proving the one God has willed for us to spend our entire life with! I want to know on my wedding day that I'm entering into it fully aware its God's sure choice and not my own, that she's chosen and given by God and not by my willful insistence. I want to look back and see the footprints which lie in agreement to the pavement God has laid and not in contrary to the supposed destination.

I'm happy to say, the way things are going, I know I'm on the right track. I don't know how she feels, I don't know if she even knows, I don't know if God's going to further bless my efforts, I don't know if God will blessed us to be an item, but one thing I do know, that whether or not God does give me the girl of my deepest affections, his will can never be wrong. Of course, as instructed I come before him casting on him the sincere desires of my heart - if he allows, tk God. If not, tk God still! God is Good!

So is the wardrobe mine? Ask me some time later, I'm still finding out.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

I find it quite interesting that the punishment of God usually deals with alittle more than just the people who sin against them, but extends to their families and loved ones.

Examples of this are seen in kings, whereby God promises to "cut off all of them that pisseth against the wall", meaning to say that God will cut off the descendants of those kings who sin mightily against him. Likewise in many of the prophetic books, one of the judgements pronounced is " their wives shall be widows and mothers bereaved of children " or else " their virgins shall be made slaves and their wives taken and children slaughtered ".

When I read that last time I thought to myself, what a strange way of dealing with the children of isreal, to first punish everyone else but the offender? So that person will just continue sinning wouldn't he, knowing that he can get away with his sins and others will simply take the rap for him?

But now I've come to realise why God can send such a punishment - cause to see your loved ones suffer, assuming its for their own fault, its horrible. But to see them suffering not from their mistakes but yours... Its heart wrenching! To know your loved one is going through a very tough time, facing so much stress and encountering so much troubles, naturally we would want to do our best to alleviate them from their situation. But part of the verdict of God's punishment would include husband led to captivity and their wives dragged into slavery, raped and murdered while they can't do anything on their part to help them! Torture of the worst magnitude.

For me, when I know how much she goes through I can't help but wish to help, but of course I know there are really so much beyond my jurisdiction, how to help? And so I pray, I pray every free fleeting moment through the day, when I'm given a short break from the chores I'm tasked I'll utter a prayer for her, when I'm in the toilet before bed I'll pray, the moment I wake up I pray.... I pray for her (of course not only for her, but for everything and anything that comes to my mind, including many others too. Just happens I pray more for her cause she runs through my mind most often. HAHA) whenever I can. But, the sinners who're running away from God, can they pray? When I feel hopeless I cast everything to God's sovereignty and the knowledge that a greater being is now in control for my part, I smile and rest content with peace In my heart. Imagine these ppl, who can't do anything and have no hope to cast their helplessness on...

Koshy mentioned several times In a few of his sermons of how he thanks God for being his god because he knows that he can't live forever, and the day he dies and loses any ability to provide and fend for his loved ones, esp his children, God still exists and watches over them. The very God of koshy will be the same God who will take care of his children the way he took care of koshy.
This is just like how isaac said "the God of my father Abraham lead me".
What a comfort! The same God who brought an entire nation out of Egypt, performed all the wondrous miracles, the God who changed the hearts of kings and punished recalcitrant rulers, the God who delivered the apostles and prophets of old from danger, the God who stirred the great reformation and lit revivals, the God who spoke the universe into existance.... This same God is watching my every step, is bringing me through my life hand in hand. When he's done, he'll watch over my children too!

Now now, that's pretty incredible isn't it? And I tk God mightily for that!
Specifically why? Because mushy lovers who foolishly promise " I'll never leave you or let anything happen to you " have no true authority or basis for making such a claim. When your wive is giving birth and you're stuck in an airport overseas due to a delayed flight, what can we do? When we get knocked over while crossing the road what can we do? But for me, I can tell my loved ones " I may leave you, definitely against my wish, but God will never forsake you, when I'm gone he's still there. ". Hahahah very honestly much less romantic, but practically, its a win! Furthermore, its the fact, and we can then have peace.

Tk God, amen!

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

God's timing and plan is so amazing. I firmly believe that he let me go to sunset on Sunday to be richly blessed and encouraged by Rev Quek's sermon. Who would have thought that at such a time as this, I would be recalling that same statement which he said over and over again in my mind, encouraging me in the LORD?

" what makes your heart rejoice? " - this is the very same question that keeps rebuking and challenging me, yet at the same time encouraging me for the past 2 days (and prolly for the next 3 days as well).

Its only natural that when we're In deep affection for someone, that our thoughts hover about that person constantly. Whatever we're doing, whenever it may be, we're thinking of the other party, either wondering what she's doing, whether she's happy, or maybe just thinking about common memories we have together. Who is an exception of this law of human nature? I certainly am not.

The problem comes however, when we're not with the person physically or perhaps even in correspondence. For me, there is a valid reason and I'm actually pretty much fine for it. But I have to keep reminding myself, what do my heart rejoice for? Do I feel jealous and bitter because I know she's enjoying herself in the midst of others even if I'm not around? To accept the plain fact that her happiness doesn't depend on my presence, do I sulk? God forbid such childish behaviour!

He must increase and I must decrease! I pray moment by moment that she'll gather as much blessings as possible this week, enjoy herself to the utmost, learn and grow in God's feeding, independent of my existance. And really, tk God for his spirit indwelling in me because I'm actually at peace. For me, I really honestly want for her to increase her walk with God, and if she has the opportunity to do so without me, why not?
I rmb I once told myself, I'd rather us both spending hours praying together, which doesn't have to be physically beside each other but rather praying abt the same things and updating each other in our walk with God, than spending those hours on the phone talking abt silly things. I'd rather hear about the improvements of the things we've prayed about than any potential hints. I believe that the couple who prays and ministers tgt will grow tgt - and grow In God.

So many couples build their relationship on things that are so fragile - movies, the latest novels, nice diners, romantic dates... All these are good for the relationship perhaps, but are those the things we want as the basis of the bond? what'll happen then when we've finished every movie and read every book, when we're revisiting the same eatery and getting bored of the food? Then the fire dies doesn't it? Can we ever run out of prayer? can God's work ever exhaust? Ah, score 1.

"For the wise man builds his house upon the rock." - even the Sunday school kids can sing this, but who truly practices it?

I've seen through the years marriages that crumble and fail. Even if the couple stays tgt its only because they are compelled to. That's a tragic flop. I have also seen couples who continue in their love. And I've come to notice that the couples who can tell u how happily married they are and how much they still treasure each other even till the greying of their head are those who build their house upon the rock, relationship on God.

Furthermore, He who honours God, God will honour! Won't God richly bless the couple who truly wants to stay on him?

The bible's model for a perfect marriage can only be met if ur Christian and in obedience to God's word. So isn't it important to stay on God?

And so I pray that any form of progress whatsoever be progress in His work and in his service. When that comes and when that's strongly established, God will allow the rest to follow suit.

I pray she enjoys herself this week. Not because of a wavering affection, for God knows the effort I enforce to stop thinking of her, but because he must increase, and I decrease. For whom I rejoice? God help me, amen!

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

My prayer for a Wife goes:
LORD, I pray for a spouse, a help meet, that you have been preparing for me since the start of time. I know everything I've gone through you're allowed so that I can be perfect for her, and likewise her experiences smoothing her to be perfect for me. In life I want to love you more than anything and anyone, LORD hold me fast. That said, I only want to get attached when I myself am mature and stable with my walk with you, upon the level whereby I know who is most import in my life, when I won't lose my love for you because of my girlfriend, then only Lord give me the one. In your time reward my patience. I pray, asking from you the true desires of my heart, that you give me girl who will increase my walk with you, any girl who displaces me further From you, I don't want Lord. This girl must firstly love you more than she loves me and herself - she must have you top of her priorities, only then can she encourage me to do likewise. Let not my love be dependent on her, let me be the leader in bringing our relationship to be centred on you. Furthermore, what's a life without service? If you were to reward me with a help-meet, then Lord may she show herself in being able to advance me in my service for you - that together as a couple we will accomplish things for you beyond that we can ever accomplish alone; let that be the prime reason why we're even together.
Lord you have allowed my heart to flourish with affection for this lady, does this then mean something? Is this your will? I have tried her and proved her against the desires I've petitioned to you and slowly you've shown me how each box in my checklist is being ticked. Beyond that, you are kind above measure in adding more conditions and meeting them through this young lady. Show me Lord, show me and reveal to me your will. Give me patience to know that what God puts together, no man may tear asunder.
Show me Lord your will for us in that the most important condition must be met - we will both grow daily stronger in Christ because of our relationship; then and only then, should it be your will, make the attraction mutual and push the flight for take off.
Hold me fast Lord, take my hand and hold me fast. In Jesus name I pray amen. "

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Honestly, I wonder who actually reads my blog. Haha many times when I think to myself that this page is simply dead and without a single soul other than myself, I post things of such a nature, but am proven wrong when the most unexpected people tell me that they've read my post. Oh well.


Anw.
My mama always said " son, love is a hard thing. Love is very painful. ". She said that since I was a little boy. At that tender age, all I did was listen, absorb and reply "ORH", the magical word usable in every situation.

Later on in life I would have minor opportunities and little glimpses of what that statement really meant; but none as true as what I feel now.
Love requires prioritising, to elevate the object of love, and to press everything else down. In fact, this is just a natural by-product of love. We all love self, so put ourselves usually number1 on the list of importance, everything what we do, consciously or not, goes through the evaluation of - does this benefit me? And honestly, I believe the love for self outweighs the love we have for anyone ( though it isn't supposed to be, as instructed from the bible ).

Even sometimes when we think we're in love with somebody, we find it incredibly hard to sacrifice our emotions, our feelings, our being just to make that person happy; why? Because we love ourselves too.

But then that's the problem isn't it? What true love? The shift of priorities should change upon true love. I speak concerning our attitude towards God: do we love God the way he loves us? Well that's a definite no. But do we want to?

In light of love towards humans, specifically towards our (potential) spouses, how deep is your love?
I pour my soul, transparent on this page within this single statement: I love that girl much, whether or not she knows, but am unable to love her the way she deserves, according to that written in the bible unless I first love my God above self.

I gathered this during SGBF on Sunday, when Rev Quek spoke on the topic "how to prepare for death". In philippians1, Paul demonstrates his love in verse18 when he rejoices upon the increase in Christ, even when he's not part of it, and even when its at his expense. Why? Because Paul truly loves God, he loves Christ beyond anything; beyond self.
On sat during Eugene's wedding, Rev Quek spoke again of Husbands needing to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

With that premise established, how then can I say now that I love her, when I constantly struggle with myself about needing to be part of her happiness? Priorities - I must be happy when she loves Christ more than me. I must be happy when Christ increases In her life more than me. Such would reflect the top most love in my life: not me, not her, but Christ.

I firmly believe that for me who can't love Christ, can't love anyone because love only comes from Christ. Only God can give me love that I ought to have for my lady, love so sacrificial, love with doesn't have to involve me being part of the equation for her happiness. Dare I cast my love to God? How else should I do so without first loving Christ?

I can never love like that again, for once I loved a human beyond anything in the world. Now my love for my lady must be under my love for my God. Perhaps that doesn't sound too romantic, but that's the way the bible teaches and that's the way I intend to pursue.

So once more, Son, love is tough. Love is painful. How true. She ought to know how much I miss her, though its only been a day. Haha.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

There has never been a situation in scriptures whereby the sinner is willing but the saviour isn't. Neither is there any such thing whereby we seek forgiveness but Christ would deny us.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Makr2

What's the greatest need for men and women? There's prolly going to be many answers for that qn, but the bible says the greatest need ever is to have their sins forgiven.

Christ's pri purpose on earth is to heal the soul, not the body. There is no point in healing everyone to the pink of health but then let die in hell.

Do we have the same zeal as the men stated in mark2 in bring their friend to Christ? Do we go out of the way? Are easily discouraged?

"What shall it profit a man who can gain the whole world but lose his own soul?"

Thot: only God can read the hearts and minds of men, even the devil can't do that. Often the devil makes an accurate guess regarding our thots and our hearts, but he cannot truly know it neither control it. Only God can change hearts.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.